his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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