Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize