Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
