I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
