I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
