just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
