why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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