When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
