Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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