Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
