omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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