i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
