I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
