Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
