no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
