this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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