Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I smell stomach acid.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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