So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize