No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
