EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
