Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
