you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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