he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
