I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
