Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
