i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
