lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
