Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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