I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So vagazzling was a success
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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