Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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