there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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