just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize