I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
