After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
