I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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