I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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