sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
