this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
