my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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