After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
