She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm too high and old for this...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize