i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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