2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize