I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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