I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
