why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
