she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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