Just fell off a train. Bad.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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