am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
