Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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