It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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