I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think your dad took our porno
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
