how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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