god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
