it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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