yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
