god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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