WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
