question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
