super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i love accidental penises.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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