don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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