Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
