i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
