Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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