Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
