Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize