I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
