How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize