omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
